Emotional and Addiction Recovery Coach's Blog

August 22, 2009

Letting Go of Your Old Ideas

Filed under: Choices,Thought Life,Uncategorized — The UnEmotional Eater @ 4:24 pm
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You know I’ve spent over 20 years with hearing “you have to let go of your old ideas or the result is nil” on a regular basis but all of the sudden an entirely new level was unlocked. The last two years has been about really challenging my ideas, my beliefs about myself and others. I have had a lot of good stuff in my head for years that I could spout regularly but couldn’t live up to with any consistency! Anyone relate? But also burning in my belly was a bunch of ideas that were morphed from other people into my own. Unfortunately these were the ones that were regularly killing me. They were creating oppression, coping behaviors, self doubt and a whole host of other lovely things. Truly they have been the termites in my foundation. Everything good I would try to build they would either eat or eat away the foundation which made them crumble.

What brought all this blog on….last night I was watching Trisha Greaves at www.healyourhunger.com do a YouTube on binge eating. Here is the clip if you’re interested in watching Garbage Eating but she said the most magical thing…”I DESERVE”. I deserve to eat this because I’ve had a hard day. I deserve to eat this because I haven’t eaten all day. That hit me like a ton of bricks. I have spent an entire life with this old idea/lie of “I DESERVE”. My “I DESERVE” has looked more like; I deserve to eat that, say that, drive like that because I have had a stressful day and no one understands. I deserve to eat that, buy that, say that because I work hard and no one understands. I deserve to drink diet coke, eat candy, ice cream because I have already given up so many other things and no one understands. Wow, this whole rationalization of “I deserve” to treat myself and others poorly is a lie. Then we add the “and no one understands” which brings on the isolation that satan loves best. Remember he likes to get you isolated like the lions looks for the slow or sick gazelle. They are the easiest to pick off.

The reframing becomes “I DESERVE” peace, “I DESERVE” calmness, “I DESERVE” a well balanced meal, “I DESERVE” to not be overweight, “I DESERVE” to feel good, “I DESERVE” to live a debt free life, “I DESERVE” to live in health and wellness of body mind and spirit.

So the first step is to call out the lie just like any other bully on the playground. When you hear “I DESERVE” the question becomes who said that? Did that voice come from who wants your abundance or from who wants your destruction? Is what the voice is telling you “I deserve” does it support health and wellness of my body, mind and spirit or does it fuel my pain and coping behaviors i.e. destruction? Most of you have heard me say cock roaches don’t like light. When you begin to shine light on the darkness in your head you begin to be free.

For today may you walk free from the “I deserve” black hole. Next time we can talk about not running your tank so low that you reach the “I deserve” level.

Blessings,

Tammy – Your Emotional and Addiction Recovery Coach

August 14, 2009

Recovery is Like a Heartbeat

Filed under: Choices,Thought Life — The UnEmotional Eater @ 11:11 am
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I was meeting with someone this morning and talking about the frustration of life changing.  You feel like you are doing good, life is getting better, you are reaping the rewards of making different life choices but then….  Then doubt shows up and begins to badger you about how much progress you have really made, making you question if it is permanent or temporary, if it is just your false perception, a fluke.  If you are reading this blog you know that slithering snake voice that I am talking about.  That voice that has been trying to sabotage everything good you have ever done in your life.

The truth is recovery (change) is a process, it has a heartbeat of sorts.  Because life is always moving recovery has ups and downs, good moments and not so good (let us call them learning) moments.  Remember that this is part of the process.  You have had years doing life one way and reaping it’s reward.  You may not have enough time yet to trust that with this new way of doing life that when you plant stability you will get a calmer, saner life.  When you plant love you will recieve love back (maybe not how you thought or from whom you thought).  When you let go of control you will see the fruits of  God’s hands beginning to intervene and make changes. 

When you have spent your whole life trying to control everything so that you could feel safe then it will take time to see that letting go is a good idea and that God will take over!  As you see God take over you have less and less need to cope.  As you feel the love of Christ you are freer to love yourself and others. 

Blessings…..

August 9, 2009

The Same Person Will Use Again

Filed under: Choices,Thought Life — The UnEmotional Eater @ 6:10 pm
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I was reading in the Genesis Process workbook and was hit with one of the blurbs. “To change what you do, you much change who you are. Every behavior, good or bad, is supported by your beliefs.” You know beginning to look at, why do I think this way? Who told me this was right, wrong, whatever? Is this true? Is this true for me, today? Is this real or a belief that I have? There have been so many questions I have had to look at as I have gone through recovery. The more freedom you want to walk in the more these questions have to really be looked at and wrestled with. I had a lot of old ideas that were killing me. Many of them were ones that had been projected onto me by others but I claimed them for my own. I had to really pull them out, take a good hard look and begin to choose what I was going to keep and what it was time to let go of. The Genesis Process has given me and many others a systematic means to process through beliefs, behaviors, coping and solutions.

The Genesis Process is for anyone stuck in addictions who genuinely wants to change. This is not for the faint of heart, it is for those desiring freedom!

To learn more about the process please contact me at tammy.hardin@yahoo.com

Your Emotional and Addiction Recovery Coach, Tammy

August 5, 2009

What Are You Willing to Do for Christ?

Filed under: Thought Life,Uncategorized — The UnEmotional Eater @ 10:17 pm
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I love how God is always asking me questions. If Christ was your mate in the flesh would you….wash his feet, cook his dinner, admire him, respect him, be sexually available to him, be emotionally available to him, make time for him, would anything be a sacrifice or would you do it with honor? Wow tough questions. The truth is we are the bride of Christ. The truth is we are to love with that type of undying adoration.

But what if…what if they’ve cheated, what if they’ve lied, what if they’ve hurt your heart? This is the place that I was reminded that Jesus washed Judas’s feet knowing he was going to set in motion his death. Jesus was lied to, lied about and had his heart hurt by many but he loved us so much he took a beating to death and shed his blood so that we could be brought into the Kingdom of God.

I was reading a tweet today that said “when they attack you and you notice that you love them with all your heart, your work is done”. I guess that best describes Jesus’ love for us.

Can I love with a fraction of that ability? I will need a lot of God’s help!

This article requires a disclaimer… I am not saying to stay in an abusive relationship or to ignore a husband that does not desire to change if they are in an addictive or dishonoring behavior. Please seek help if any of these issues are going on!

August 4, 2009

HALT

Filed under: Choices,Uncategorized — The UnEmotional Eater @ 10:06 pm
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Hungry, ANGRY, lonely or tired…what happens next? I often have people come talk to me about what they consider a failure. Failures can be small or large but I always ask the question, where were you on HALT? Were you hungry, angry, lonely or tired? When any of those exist we are more susceptible to not sticking to our plan of recovery. It may not be that you go back to drinking/drugging but it could be that you got angry or overspent and that shame smacked you in the face. You were uncomfortable in your feelings so you used another coping behavior in order to change the way you were feeling. The reality is that if we pile up shame, guilt, etc. the need to cope gets greater and the ways you cope get more serious, requiring more numbing.

Please know this isn’t an original thought this is one of things that Alcoholics Anonymous gave me. But it is one of the tools in my toolbox that I pull out often to gut check myself and others.

Blessings….

Your Emotional and Addiction Recovery Coach

Coping

Filed under: Thought Life,Uncategorized — The UnEmotional Eater @ 9:57 pm
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There are lots of ways we use to cope from pain, anxiety and/or stress. Somewhere along the way everyone gets hurts. We are hurt by something said or done to us. It can be Johnny kicking over your sand castle when you are 5 or some insensitive hormonal 14 year old calling you fat in middle school. But hurts are created, we ALL have them. But what happens next is what makes the difference do we own them as truth or as someone’s opinion?

July 24, 2009

Money Relationship

Filed under: Choices,Thought Life,Uncategorized — The UnEmotional Eater @ 7:55 am
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You know I work with people every day in dealing with their emotional and addiction issues. One of the topics that no one every wants to talk about but typically is struggling with is money. Not necessarily how much they make but often times it is how much they keep. What I have come to realize is that just like many other aspects of our lives people who struggle with emotional or addiction issues often give objects inappropriate jobs. Money would fall into that category. So let’s ask a few questions.

  1. If money were a person who do you know that it is like?
  2. Does it like you?
  3. Do you like it?
  4. How do you treat each other?
  5. Do you trust each other?
  6. What do you say to one another?
  7. If money were a person what personality or character traits does it have?
  8. What did you hear about money when you were growing up?
  9. What beliefs get between you and prosperity?
  10. What have you heard about women and money?

I find these questions to be confrontational to my belief system about money. Try them out and see what you learn is going on in your head about money! It will explain a lot about what is going on in your checkbook!

Your Emotional and Addiction Recovery Coach – Tammy

July 23, 2009

Effort to Change

Filed under: Choices,Thought Life,Uncategorized — The UnEmotional Eater @ 4:37 pm
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I was thinking about an interview I had one time. At the end of the interview I asked how he felt my skills and experiences lined up with the needs of the position. He went into a big answer but the last thing he said was “this job requires a committed effort. I meet a lot of talented sales people, I can coach you on any aspect of the position but I cannot coach effort. You have to decide if you are willing to put forth the effort that will be required for this position.” I had never heard that before…. I cannot coach effort. But I see it every day working with people that are addicted or emotionally bound up. Heck I see it in myself! You can give someone all the head knowledge in the world. You can visualize the potential in them. But if they or I am not willing to put forth the effort to change it will not happen. All the wishing, praying, dreaming, pissing, moaning, complaining will not make it magically change on its own. I want “it” to change not me!

Gut check time – is there something going on in your life that you need to apply effort toward? This makes me think of John 5:1-8 The man had been laying on his mat for years waiting on someone to put him in the water. Jesus asked the most interesting question. “Do you want to get well?” The man gave a self pity response. And Jesus didn’t say you poor thing! He said “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk”. Take effort, take action, do something different!

Your Emtional and Addiction Relapse Prevention Coach – Tammy

July 22, 2009

Sit and Be Still

Filed under: Choices,Thought Life,Uncategorized — The UnEmotional Eater @ 12:05 pm
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Again reading another newsletter that I subscribe to www.48days.com I had a friend that was trying to make a huge decision so he went to a monastery in North Georgia for a week. There is something about getting away, alone with God. We all talk about it but so few of us take a bold step such as my friend to truly do that for longer than a few hours. I will remind you that satan loves distraction. We are emotionally numb be all the media coming at us and that we are putting out. We are numb by television, computers, radio/iPod, reading, you name it. As far fetched as going to a monastery may sound it might be worthy of consideration. Just thought I would put it out there for your consideration.

Your Emotional and Addiction Recovery Coach,

Tammy

Are you exhausted with the bombardments of deadlines, required planning meetings, urgent emails, tweets and 55 more people who want to “friend” you on FaceBook? Maybe you need to disconnect from those demands that consume your days.

Have you considered a few days in a monastery? I’m serious. No, you don’t have to take a vow of chastity or poverty – just spend a few days in this alternate lifestyle. There are hundreds of them across the country that will welcome you into their quiet world. You may want to sign up for a retreat with a focus. A retreat is a time to “take off your shoes,” to leave schedules and projects behind, and to be open and vulnerable – ready to be changed and deepened, and to view one’s own life as “holy ground.”

You may just need a few days of simple living, quiet and solitude with no stated focus. “We open our doors to anyone,” says Sister Josie Sanchez, of the Benet Hill Monastery in Colorado Springs. “And if a person can’t afford the $50 per night fee for accommodations and food, they can work around the property,” she says. Another center says they will help you “Retreat, Rest, Reflect, and Renew.”

I personally have spent time at the The Abbey of Gethsemani in Trappist, Kentucky. You may be familiar with this monastery as the home of author Thomas Merton. One of their stated goals is to “tone down excessive self-concern.” Thus there is no talking. Yes, it’s a little odd at first but I quickly got used to and welcomed it. A wonderful time for contemplation, prayer and cleansing. All they ask for is an anonymous donation as you leave.

No phones, TV or email will cause any of us to think and reflect in ways we normally miss. Believe me, you will hear, see and think things you’ve been missing all along. You may get a clearer sense of your purpose in the absence of daily clutter and chatter. And most of these monasteries have an architectural beauty that is rare in the United States.

Here’s a list of over 1200 monasteries in the English-speaking world: Religious Life Communities

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I had already scheduled this newsletter for delivery when I got a message about an upcoming John Michael Talbot retreat at his monastery farm in Berryville, Arkansas. John Michael was a very successful member of the old country folk/rock band Mason Proffit, but decided to withdraw from that life. On August 7-9, 2009 he’ll be teaching Lessons of St. Francis. The registration fee is only $200. Or you can wait until the following week and catch Michael Card at the same retreat center.

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As in most areas of our lives, we get to choose. Do you want one more draining trip to Disneyland or a few days of quiet, peaceful silence.

High Blood Pressure

Filed under: Recovery Nutrition,Uncategorized — The UnEmotional Eater @ 11:53 am
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I went to the doctor yesterday with my 71 year old aunt. Lots of oddities here like how did we both get so old? My aunt was always young and all the sudden she needs someone to go to the doctor with her to keep the information straight, that makes me sad. Secondly how did I get so old that I was the one trying to care take a little? Anyway as most people I know she too was taking blood pressure medication. I subscribe to a newsletter called Natural News, I received this reality check in Mike’s article today and thought it worthy of passing on. I included a link at the bottom if you want to read additional articles or subscribe.

NaturalNews Tip of the day (from Mike):

High blood pressure is not a disease; it’s a side effect of your body trying to pump blood through either constricted arteries (atherosclerosis) or with unnaturally thick blood (sludge blood). You can vastly improve the quality of your blood and your circulatory system by avoiding fried foods, dairy products and processed meats while boosting the consumption of plant juices and plant-based fats such as flax, chia, almonds, coconuts and avocados.

www.NaturalNews.com

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