What is Your Plan?

I have been in sales of some sort most of my adult life. Well really it started way back with Girl Scouts cookies but we won’t talk about that now. The saying in sales is “if you fail to plan, you plan to fail”! Recovery is that same way there has to be a plan, and there has to be tools. When you are caught in the grips of your addiction there do not appear to be many options but as you enter recovery there become concrete plans of action to help move you forward. I have decided recovery is a lot like my golf coach used to say “the object is to advance the ball”. The object of recovery is to stay clean this minute, this hour, this day; one day at a time. That concept has worked for me for over 20 years so let’s talk about “the plan”.

The plan in the beginning is a lot about routine. Addicts/alcoholics are typically undisciplined people. We are accustomed to feeding our flesh whatever it demands, whenever it demands it. Looks a lot like a two year old demanding a toy, cookie, whatever….

1. Meetings/Support. I got sober in Alcoholics Anonymous so obviously I am a big proponent but there are new options today such as Celebrate Recovery, Overcomers, etc. The big thing is I need a place to be with like minded people. If once a week was enough I would have stayed sober long before I did. I didn’t drink daily but my mind began thinking about when it was getting another one a few hours after the last event. I say event because with my drinking at the end there was always an event. Don’t miss that drama! So first off be in community every day or at least 5 out of 7 days. Not just in a Bible Study where you aren’t getting real with what is going on in your head but a safe environment where people are sharing real life and how they are living without using.
2. Sponsor/Mentor/Discipleship partner. If you could get sober/clean in a vacuum you would have already done that too. You have to ask someone how to do it. You have to have someone that can help you walk out life one day at a time without using. Just for the record none of us want to do this. Most folks either think they are not that bad, they don’t want to bother anyone, they have read the literature they “got it”, or whatever the excuses that we come up with why we can’t lower our pride and ask for help. That is really why this is God’s divine plan, it is about us lowering our pride and asking for help. Most people trapped in addiction our ego maniacs with an inferiority complex so this pride issue is a big one!
3. Prayer is the next item. I was told to get on my knees in the morning and ask God to take away the desire to drink and drug for the day. And at night to again get on my knees and thank Him. That getting on your knees issue is serious. This is another one of those pride lessons. Humbling yourself before God and asking for help. Again if you could do it on your own you would have already done that! You can talk about anything else you want to with God while you are on your knees and throughout the day for that matter. But again addicts are undisciplined people; this act is part of that process.
4. Gratitude list. Most people in early recovery have a hard time with this. There isn’t much going on good in the very beginning but again this is a discipline issue. We have disciplined our mind usually to focus on bad, anxiety, crisis, depression, etc. Focusing daily on what is going right and being thankful for simple things like a car to drive, roof over your head, a full stomach brings you back to what is important. You typically aren’t grateful and relapsing at the same time. This is an important tool.
5. Journaling – taking a few minutes to look back on your day will prove helpful. First, getting it out on paper gets it out of you and gives you a new look at it. Secondly, it acts as record of your sober history, you will be able to look back and see your progress. No one has time, wants to, etc. Again we are undisciplined and this is another one of those tools that help is to get a discipline into our lives.
6. Helping Others – The thing I loved about AA is that there were chairs and tables to set up, coffee to make, etc. The meeting that happened while things were being set up was sometimes the best AA you got. Getting off your rear and doing something as simple as putting the ashtrays out (boy I dated myself with this statement) could overcome a lot of self pity for the day.

This isn’t everything but it is a solid place to start. I wish you could store up these items but they are only good for that day. You can save them somewhat but my experience is you deplete your account usually sooner than you realize. This also makes me think about the time element. Everyone complains that they don’t have time but the truth is I had time to go to bars, chase men, have lots of drama, and the hangover recovery time, ugh. Most people in early recovery especially have plenty of time they just need to realize they can’t make up for years of abuse over night and take care of themselves. Staying sober/clean is the most important thing that happens each day. If you put it first many incredible things will come to you and countless others!

Your Emotional and Addiction Recovery Coach,

Tammy

It Takes a Team to Heal the Hurting

I think about the book Hillary Rodham Clinton wrote several years ago, It Takes a Village to Raise a Child . I am not necessarily a Hillary fan but I am living proof that it takes a village or I like to call it a recovery team to truly heal. Most people that I have dealt with over the last 20+ years don’t have just one issue going on in their life. We all wish that if I just lost that weight, if I just got that man, if I just stop drinking or using then everything else will fall into place. But the truth was that with every achievement I found myself just little deeper near the core, kind of like unpeeling the proverbial onion. You peel and cry a while and then peel some more.

My experience in recovery is that it takes a team. I first and foremost have to not drink, do drugs or kill myself. That sounds kind of funny but the truth is there were a lot of days that it was all I could do to achieve that goal for the day. So I needed people on my team that helped me do that. Those people included my sponsor/mentor, my backup (I thought I was sicker than others) and my recovery friends (the ones you can call in the middle of the night) you can count them on one hand, usually three fingers. Then as I began to do other work I needed other team members that had their area of expertise like the therapist that worked with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Sexual Abuse Group members, etc. I have had coaches along the way that helped me with employment issues, men issues, marriage issues, business issues, etc.

The interesting thing about addiction, emotional breakage and depression is we think we can do it alone. We have this idea that if we could only live on an island and didn’t have all these problems we would be okay. We don’t want to “bother” anybody. The list is ad nauseam as to why we can’t, won’t, etc. reach out and get the team we need. What I have come to learn is it is imperative to have these people that pour truth into our lives. I don’t need anyone that feel sorry for me, fuel my fire or give me platitudes. I need people that will listen, share their experience and keep me in truth toward healing not swimming in the messy bog of self pity, anger and negativity.

The team is around you. Look for them, open your eyes, reach out. My experience has been when the student is ready the teacher(s) will appear.

Blessings……

Your Emotion and Addiction Coach Tammy