Money Relationship

You know I work with people every day in dealing with their emotional and addiction issues. One of the topics that no one every wants to talk about but typically is struggling with is money. Not necessarily how much they make but often times it is how much they keep. What I have come to realize is that just like many other aspects of our lives people who struggle with emotional or addiction issues often give objects inappropriate jobs. Money would fall into that category. So let’s ask a few questions.

1. If money were a person who do you know that it is like?
2. Does it like you?
3. Do you like it?
4. How do you treat each other?
5. Do you trust each other?
6. What do you say to one another?
7. If money were a person what personality or character traits does it have?
8. What did you hear about money when you were growing up?
9. What beliefs get between you and prosperity?
10. What have you heard about women and money?

I find these questions to be confrontational to my belief system about money. Try them out and see what you learn is going on in your head about money! It will explain a lot about what is going on in your checkbook!

Your Emotional and Addiction Recovery Coach – Tammy

Effort to Change

I was thinking about an interview I had one time. At the end of the interview I asked how he felt my skills and experiences lined up with the needs of the position. He went into a big answer but the last thing he said was “this job requires a committed effort. I meet a lot of talented sales people, I can coach you on any aspect of the position but I cannot coach effort. You have to decide if you are willing to put forth the effort that will be required for this position.” I had never heard that before…. I cannot coach effort. But I see it every day working with people that are addicted or emotionally bound up. Heck I see it in myself! You can give someone all the head knowledge in the world. You can visualize the potential in them. But if they or I am not willing to put forth the effort to change it will not happen. All the wishing, praying, dreaming, pissing, moaning, complaining will not make it magically change on its own. I want “it” to change not me!

Gut check time – is there something going on in your life that you need to apply effort toward? This makes me think of John 5:1-8 The man had been laying on his mat for years waiting on someone to put him in the water. Jesus asked the most interesting question. “Do you want to get well?” The man gave a self pity response. And Jesus didn’t say you poor thing! He said “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk”. Take effort, take action, do something different!

Your Emtional and Addiction Relapse Prevention Coach – Tammy

Sit and Be Still

Again reading another newsletter that I subscribe to www.48days.com I had a friend that was trying to make a huge decision so he went to a monastery in North Georgia for a week. There is something about getting away, alone with God. We all talk about it but so few of us take a bold step such as my friend to truly do that for longer than a few hours. I will remind you that satan loves distraction. We are emotionally numb be all the media coming at us and that we are putting out. We are numb by television, computers, radio/iPod, reading, you name it. As far fetched as going to a monastery may sound it might be worthy of consideration. Just thought I would put it out there for your consideration. Your Emotional and Addiction Recovery Coach, Tammy Are you exhausted with the bombardments of deadlines, required planning meetings, urgent emails, tweets and 55 more people who want to “friend” you on FaceBook? Maybe you need to disconnect from those demands that consume your days. Have you considered a few days in a monastery? I’m serious. No, you don’t have to take a vow of chastity or poverty – just spend a few days in this alternate lifestyle. There are hundreds of them across the country that will welcome you into their quiet world. You may want to sign up for a retreat with a focus. A retreat is a time to “take off your shoes,” to leave schedules and projects behind, and to be open and vulnerable – ready to be changed and deepened, and to view one’s own life as “holy ground.” You may just need a few days of simple living, quiet and solitude with no stated focus. “We open our doors to anyone,” says Sister Josie Sanchez, of the Benet Hill Monastery in Colorado Springs. “And if a person can’t afford the $50 per night fee for accommodations and food, they can work around the property,” she says. Another center says they will help you “Retreat, Rest, Reflect, and Renew.” I personally have spent time at the The Abbey of Gethsemani in Trappist, Kentucky. You may be familiar with this monastery as the home of author Thomas Merton. One of their stated goals is to “tone down excessive self-concern.” Thus there is no talking. Yes, it’s a little odd at first but I quickly got used to and welcomed it. A wonderful time for contemplation, prayer and cleansing. All they ask for is an anonymous donation as you leave. No phones, TV or email will cause any of us to think and reflect in ways we normally miss. Believe me, you will hear, see and think things you’ve been missing all along. You may get a clearer sense of your purpose in the absence of daily clutter and chatter. And most of these monasteries have an architectural beauty that is rare in the United States. Here’s a list of over 1200 monasteries in the English-speaking world: Religious Life Communities ********************************************** I had already scheduled this newsletter for delivery when I got a message about an upcoming John Michael Talbot retreat at his monastery farm in Berryville, Arkansas. John Michael was a very successful member of the old country folk/rock band Mason Proffit, but decided to withdraw from that life. On August 7-9, 2009 he’ll be teaching Lessons of St. Francis. The registration fee is only $200. Or you can wait until the following week and catch Michael Card at the same retreat center. ********************************************** As in most areas of our lives, we get to choose. Do you want one more draining trip to Disneyland or a few days of quiet, peaceful silence. Comment here

Consequences of Choices

I have thought a lot about Steve McNair the last few days. Press overload maybe? I think it was really more about the reality of his choices and the sadness for his family. I feel confident when Mr. McNair met this young lady he wasn’t thinking anything about being murdered, about his adultery being national news, about bringing trauma and embarrassment to his wife, kids, and family. When we invite sin into our lives we never know the price. I heard someone say once “sin will take you further than you want to go and keep you there longer than you intend to stay”. Most people don’t have to pay with their literal life but obviously some do. A little over 20 years now I had two people in my life die as a result of drinking and driving. I can assure you when they got in the car that day to have some fun they never thought “this will be my last”. Satan is just looking for a foot hold. If you have ever climbed mountains you know you don’t need a lot to get a grip. Satan doesn’t require much either. He is always looking I Peter 5:8, “he walks about like a roaring lion looking for whom he can devour”. On July 4^th he devoured several in one fail swoop. My prediction is God will do with this situation as His word sates in Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,* who* have been called according to his purpose”. God used those two tragic deaths over 20 years ago to draw me off the path that I was on. I feel confident someone is making a corrective path as a result of Steve McNair’s fatal outcome. Somehow we think we are cooler, hipper, slicker, smarter than the rest of the world when we choose sin. I guess that is why the apple was the fruit of the tree of knowledge. We think we know more than God. But just like all of satan’s schemes we wake up and realize we are in a snare and fighting for our life.

They say in Alcoholics Anonymous you can get off the downward elevator on any floor. How far do your consequences need to go before you make a choice toward God?

Your Emotional and Addiction Recovery Coach,

Tammy

Confronting Questions

I usually am reading 4 or 5 books simultaneously I guess that answers why it takes me so long to finish. Anyway I have been reading Emotional Bullshit by Carl Alasko, Ph.D. (yes that is really the title) for a couple weeks. Great book, get past the title. So I got to his three questions that I will share with you. I don’t want to lose any of its flavor by paraphrasing I am going to copy it verbatim…..

Every time you experience some level of anxiety, anger, pain or fear, or you’re facing a decision (even a minor one), or you’re involved in a conflict (even a minor one), take a few seconds to ask yourself the following three questions. You may find your answer immediately after asking Question One, and not have to proceed to the next two. The first question can be such a profound inquiry that the solution to your difficulty can instantly appear. And your behavior can instantly change.

1. Am I denying an essential fact or responsibility?
2. Am I creating a delusional reality to support the denial?
3. Am I deflecting my responsibility by blaming someone or something else?

These are the questions you ask yourself before you go cope. The coping that most of us do….eating, controlling, drinking, smoking, fill in your blank is because we are not dealing with the answer to one of these three questions. When I start to understand what is really going on then change can take place.