Coping

There are lots of ways we use to cope from pain, anxiety and/or stress. Somewhere along the way everyone gets hurts. We are hurt by something said or done to us. It can be Johnny kicking over your sand castle when you are 5 or some insensitive hormonal 14 year old calling you fat in middle school. But hurts are created, we ALL have them. But what happens next is what makes the difference do we own them as truth or as someone’s opinion?

Confronting Questions

I usually am reading 4 or 5 books simultaneously I guess that answers why it takes me so long to finish. Anyway I have been reading Emotional Bullshit by Carl Alasko, Ph.D. (yes that is really the title) for a couple weeks. Great book, get past the title. So I got to his three questions that I will share with you. I don’t want to lose any of its flavor by paraphrasing I am going to copy it verbatim…..

Every time you experience some level of anxiety, anger, pain or fear, or you’re facing a decision (even a minor one), or you’re involved in a conflict (even a minor one), take a few seconds to ask yourself the following three questions. You may find your answer immediately after asking Question One, and not have to proceed to the next two. The first question can be such a profound inquiry that the solution to your difficulty can instantly appear. And your behavior can instantly change.

1. Am I denying an essential fact or responsibility?
2. Am I creating a delusional reality to support the denial?
3. Am I deflecting my responsibility by blaming someone or something else?

These are the questions you ask yourself before you go cope. The coping that most of us do….eating, controlling, drinking, smoking, fill in your blank is because we are not dealing with the answer to one of these three questions. When I start to understand what is really going on then change can take place.