Money Relationship

You know I work with people every day in dealing with their emotional and addiction issues. One of the topics that no one every wants to talk about but typically is struggling with is money. Not necessarily how much they make but often times it is how much they keep. What I have come to realize is that just like many other aspects of our lives people who struggle with emotional or addiction issues often give objects inappropriate jobs. Money would fall into that category. So let’s ask a few questions.

1. If money were a person who do you know that it is like?
2. Does it like you?
3. Do you like it?
4. How do you treat each other?
5. Do you trust each other?
6. What do you say to one another?
7. If money were a person what personality or character traits does it have?
8. What did you hear about money when you were growing up?
9. What beliefs get between you and prosperity?
10. What have you heard about women and money?

I find these questions to be confrontational to my belief system about money. Try them out and see what you learn is going on in your head about money! It will explain a lot about what is going on in your checkbook!

Your Emotional and Addiction Recovery Coach – Tammy

Sit and Be Still

Again reading another newsletter that I subscribe to www.48days.com I had a friend that was trying to make a huge decision so he went to a monastery in North Georgia for a week. There is something about getting away, alone with God. We all talk about it but so few of us take a bold step such as my friend to truly do that for longer than a few hours. I will remind you that satan loves distraction. We are emotionally numb be all the media coming at us and that we are putting out. We are numb by television, computers, radio/iPod, reading, you name it. As far fetched as going to a monastery may sound it might be worthy of consideration. Just thought I would put it out there for your consideration. Your Emotional and Addiction Recovery Coach, Tammy Are you exhausted with the bombardments of deadlines, required planning meetings, urgent emails, tweets and 55 more people who want to “friend” you on FaceBook? Maybe you need to disconnect from those demands that consume your days. Have you considered a few days in a monastery? I’m serious. No, you don’t have to take a vow of chastity or poverty – just spend a few days in this alternate lifestyle. There are hundreds of them across the country that will welcome you into their quiet world. You may want to sign up for a retreat with a focus. A retreat is a time to “take off your shoes,” to leave schedules and projects behind, and to be open and vulnerable – ready to be changed and deepened, and to view one’s own life as “holy ground.” You may just need a few days of simple living, quiet and solitude with no stated focus. “We open our doors to anyone,” says Sister Josie Sanchez, of the Benet Hill Monastery in Colorado Springs. “And if a person can’t afford the $50 per night fee for accommodations and food, they can work around the property,” she says. Another center says they will help you “Retreat, Rest, Reflect, and Renew.” I personally have spent time at the The Abbey of Gethsemani in Trappist, Kentucky. You may be familiar with this monastery as the home of author Thomas Merton. One of their stated goals is to “tone down excessive self-concern.” Thus there is no talking. Yes, it’s a little odd at first but I quickly got used to and welcomed it. A wonderful time for contemplation, prayer and cleansing. All they ask for is an anonymous donation as you leave. No phones, TV or email will cause any of us to think and reflect in ways we normally miss. Believe me, you will hear, see and think things you’ve been missing all along. You may get a clearer sense of your purpose in the absence of daily clutter and chatter. And most of these monasteries have an architectural beauty that is rare in the United States. Here’s a list of over 1200 monasteries in the English-speaking world: Religious Life Communities ********************************************** I had already scheduled this newsletter for delivery when I got a message about an upcoming John Michael Talbot retreat at his monastery farm in Berryville, Arkansas. John Michael was a very successful member of the old country folk/rock band Mason Proffit, but decided to withdraw from that life. On August 7-9, 2009 he’ll be teaching Lessons of St. Francis. The registration fee is only $200. Or you can wait until the following week and catch Michael Card at the same retreat center. ********************************************** As in most areas of our lives, we get to choose. Do you want one more draining trip to Disneyland or a few days of quiet, peaceful silence. Comment here

Consequences of Choices

I have thought a lot about Steve McNair the last few days. Press overload maybe? I think it was really more about the reality of his choices and the sadness for his family. I feel confident when Mr. McNair met this young lady he wasn’t thinking anything about being murdered, about his adultery being national news, about bringing trauma and embarrassment to his wife, kids, and family. When we invite sin into our lives we never know the price. I heard someone say once “sin will take you further than you want to go and keep you there longer than you intend to stay”. Most people don’t have to pay with their literal life but obviously some do. A little over 20 years now I had two people in my life die as a result of drinking and driving. I can assure you when they got in the car that day to have some fun they never thought “this will be my last”. Satan is just looking for a foot hold. If you have ever climbed mountains you know you don’t need a lot to get a grip. Satan doesn’t require much either. He is always looking I Peter 5:8, “he walks about like a roaring lion looking for whom he can devour”. On July 4^th he devoured several in one fail swoop. My prediction is God will do with this situation as His word sates in Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,* who* have been called according to his purpose”. God used those two tragic deaths over 20 years ago to draw me off the path that I was on. I feel confident someone is making a corrective path as a result of Steve McNair’s fatal outcome. Somehow we think we are cooler, hipper, slicker, smarter than the rest of the world when we choose sin. I guess that is why the apple was the fruit of the tree of knowledge. We think we know more than God. But just like all of satan’s schemes we wake up and realize we are in a snare and fighting for our life.

They say in Alcoholics Anonymous you can get off the downward elevator on any floor. How far do your consequences need to go before you make a choice toward God?

Your Emotional and Addiction Recovery Coach,

Tammy

Self Care

Addiction, co-dependency, depression, anxiety these are all hard things to get over. I wish you could be tapped on the head and fixed but that is not my experience. These type issues are daily reprieves contingent on my actions. I really wanted them to be on my knowledge, what anti-depressant I was taking, my intentions, etc. but again not my experience! My experience is it requires action on my part. The action of self care continues to develop and is in direct proportion to how much pain I can endure. The first thing I had to do was not drink or do drugs. That requires a commitment and change of behavior. Then it was about developing a relationship with a Higher Power. That is Jesus for me, I won’t mince words about who my Redeemer is! That has required a process of commitment. Then there have been nutritional changes that had to be made. As an alcoholic I process sugar differently than other people. After beating my head against the wall I accept that fact! I require a balance of protein with sugar or carbs. That is taking responsibility. Self care for me involves proper sleep. In my drinking days I would stay out all night and run with the eagles in the morning. But burning the candle at all the end will leave you emotionally unbalanced.

Everything about how I was living my life has had to be changed. Self care is not about indulgence but about personal responsibility. I require good nutrition, exercise, time with Jesus, mediation/quiet time, sleep and honest relationship. This like everything else has been a process. I have only given things up as I could no longer stand the pain the behavior was causing.

Realizing I wouldn’t treat a stranger the way I treat myself sometimes. I deserve my very best……

It Takes a Team to Heal the Hurting

I think about the book Hillary Rodham Clinton wrote several years ago, It Takes a Village to Raise a Child . I am not necessarily a Hillary fan but I am living proof that it takes a village or I like to call it a recovery team to truly heal. Most people that I have dealt with over the last 20+ years don’t have just one issue going on in their life. We all wish that if I just lost that weight, if I just got that man, if I just stop drinking or using then everything else will fall into place. But the truth was that with every achievement I found myself just little deeper near the core, kind of like unpeeling the proverbial onion. You peel and cry a while and then peel some more.

My experience in recovery is that it takes a team. I first and foremost have to not drink, do drugs or kill myself. That sounds kind of funny but the truth is there were a lot of days that it was all I could do to achieve that goal for the day. So I needed people on my team that helped me do that. Those people included my sponsor/mentor, my backup (I thought I was sicker than others) and my recovery friends (the ones you can call in the middle of the night) you can count them on one hand, usually three fingers. Then as I began to do other work I needed other team members that had their area of expertise like the therapist that worked with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Sexual Abuse Group members, etc. I have had coaches along the way that helped me with employment issues, men issues, marriage issues, business issues, etc.

The interesting thing about addiction, emotional breakage and depression is we think we can do it alone. We have this idea that if we could only live on an island and didn’t have all these problems we would be okay. We don’t want to “bother” anybody. The list is ad nauseam as to why we can’t, won’t, etc. reach out and get the team we need. What I have come to learn is it is imperative to have these people that pour truth into our lives. I don’t need anyone that feel sorry for me, fuel my fire or give me platitudes. I need people that will listen, share their experience and keep me in truth toward healing not swimming in the messy bog of self pity, anger and negativity.

The team is around you. Look for them, open your eyes, reach out. My experience has been when the student is ready the teacher(s) will appear.

Blessings……

Your Emotion and Addiction Coach Tammy