Letting Go of Your Old Ideas

You know I’ve spent over 20 years with hearing “you have to let go of your old ideas or the result is nil” on a regular basis but all of the sudden an entirely new level was unlocked. The last two years has been about really challenging my ideas, my beliefs about myself and others. I have had a lot of good stuff in my head for years that I could spout regularly but couldn’t live up to with any consistency! Anyone relate? But also burning in my belly was a bunch of ideas that were morphed from other people into my own. Unfortunately these were the ones that were regularly killing me. They were creating oppression, coping behaviors, self doubt and a whole host of other lovely things. Truly they have been the termites in my foundation. Everything good I would try to build they would either eat or eat away the foundation which made them crumble.

What brought all this blog on….last night I was watching Trisha Greaves at www.healyourhunger.com do a YouTube on binge eating. Here is the clip if you’re interested in watching Garbage Eating but she said the most magical thing…”I DESERVE”. I deserve to eat this because I’ve had a hard day. I deserve to eat this because I haven’t eaten all day. That hit me like a ton of bricks. I have spent an entire life with this old idea/lie of “I DESERVE”. My “I DESERVE” has looked more like; I deserve to eat that, say that, drive like that because I have had a stressful day and no one understands. I deserve to eat that, buy that, say that because I work hard and no one understands. I deserve to drink diet coke, eat candy, ice cream because I have already given up so many other things and no one understands. Wow, this whole rationalization of “I deserve” to treat myself and others poorly is a lie. Then we add the “and no one understands” which brings on the isolation that satan loves best. Remember he likes to get you isolated like the lions looks for the slow or sick gazelle. They are the easiest to pick off.

The reframing becomes “I DESERVE” peace, “I DESERVE” calmness, “I DESERVE” a well balanced meal, “I DESERVE” to not be overweight, “I DESERVE” to feel good, “I DESERVE” to live a debt free life, “I DESERVE” to live in health and wellness of body mind and spirit.

So the first step is to call out the lie just like any other bully on the playground. When you hear “I DESERVE” the question becomes who said that? Did that voice come from who wants your abundance or from who wants your destruction? Is what the voice is telling you “I deserve” does it support health and wellness of my body, mind and spirit or does it fuel my pain and coping behaviors i.e. destruction? Most of you have heard me say cock roaches don’t like light. When you begin to shine light on the darkness in your head you begin to be free.

For today may you walk free from the “I deserve” black hole. Next time we can talk about not running your tank so low that you reach the “I deserve” level.

Blessings,

Tammy – Your Emotional and Addiction Recovery Coach

Recovery is Like a Heartbeat

I was meeting with someone this morning and talking about the frustration of life changing.  You feel like you are doing good, life is getting better, you are reaping the rewards of making different life choices but then….  Then doubt shows up and begins to badger you about how much progress you have really made, making you question if it is permanent or temporary, if it is just your false perception, a fluke.  If you are reading this blog you know that slithering snake voice that I am talking about.  That voice that has been trying to sabotage everything good you have ever done in your life.

The truth is recovery (change) is a process, it has a heartbeat of sorts.  Because life is always moving recovery has ups and downs, good moments and not so good (let us call them learning) moments.  Remember that this is part of the process.  You have had years doing life one way and reaping it’s reward.  You may not have enough time yet to trust that with this new way of doing life that when you plant stability you will get a calmer, saner life.  When you plant love you will recieve love back (maybe not how you thought or from whom you thought).  When you let go of control you will see the fruits of  God’s hands beginning to intervene and make changes. 

When you have spent your whole life trying to control everything so that you could feel safe then it will take time to see that letting go is a good idea and that God will take over!  As you see God take over you have less and less need to cope.  As you feel the love of Christ you are freer to love yourself and others. 

Blessings…..

The Same Person Will Use Again

I was reading in the Genesis Process workbook and was hit with one of the blurbs. “To change what you do, you much change who you are. Every behavior, good or bad, is supported by your beliefs.” You know beginning to look at, why do I think this way? Who told me this was right, wrong, whatever? Is this true? Is this true for me, today? Is this real or a belief that I have? There have been so many questions I have had to look at as I have gone through recovery. The more freedom you want to walk in the more these questions have to really be looked at and wrestled with. I had a lot of old ideas that were killing me. Many of them were ones that had been projected onto me by others but I claimed them for my own. I had to really pull them out, take a good hard look and begin to choose what I was going to keep and what it was time to let go of. The Genesis Process has given me and many others a systematic means to process through beliefs, behaviors, coping and solutions.

The Genesis Process is for anyone stuck in addictions who genuinely wants to change. This is not for the faint of heart, it is for those desiring freedom!

To learn more about the process please contact me at tammy.hardin@yahoo.com

Your Emotional and Addiction Recovery Coach, Tammy

What Are You Willing to Do for Christ?

I love how God is always asking me questions. If Christ was your mate in the flesh would you….wash his feet, cook his dinner, admire him, respect him, be sexually available to him, be emotionally available to him, make time for him, would anything be a sacrifice or would you do it with honor? Wow tough questions. The truth is we are the bride of Christ. The truth is we are to love with that type of undying adoration.

But what if…what if they’ve cheated, what if they’ve lied, what if they’ve hurt your heart? This is the place that I was reminded that Jesus washed Judas’s feet knowing he was going to set in motion his death. Jesus was lied to, lied about and had his heart hurt by many but he loved us so much he took a beating to death and shed his blood so that we could be brought into the Kingdom of God.

I was reading a tweet today that said “when they attack you and you notice that you love them with all your heart, your work is done”. I guess that best describes Jesus’ love for us.

Can I love with a fraction of that ability? I will need a lot of God’s help!

This article requires a disclaimer… I am not saying to stay in an abusive relationship or to ignore a husband that does not desire to change if they are in an addictive or dishonoring behavior. Please seek help if any of these issues are going on!

HALT

Hungry, ANGRY, lonely or tired…what happens next? I often have people come talk to me about what they consider a failure. Failures can be small or large but I always ask the question, where were you on HALT? Were you hungry, angry, lonely or tired? When any of those exist we are more susceptible to not sticking to our plan of recovery. It may not be that you go back to drinking/drugging but it could be that you got angry or overspent and that shame smacked you in the face. You were uncomfortable in your feelings so you used another coping behavior in order to change the way you were feeling. The reality is that if we pile up shame, guilt, etc. the need to cope gets greater and the ways you cope get more serious, requiring more numbing.

Please know this isn’t an original thought this is one of things that Alcoholics Anonymous gave me. But it is one of the tools in my toolbox that I pull out often to gut check myself and others.

Blessings….

Your Emotional and Addiction Recovery Coach

Coping

There are lots of ways we use to cope from pain, anxiety and/or stress. Somewhere along the way everyone gets hurts. We are hurt by something said or done to us. It can be Johnny kicking over your sand castle when you are 5 or some insensitive hormonal 14 year old calling you fat in middle school. But hurts are created, we ALL have them. But what happens next is what makes the difference do we own them as truth or as someone’s opinion?